“But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better; yet to remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy in the faith, so that your proud confidence in me may abound in Christ Jesus through my coming to you again.” (Philippians 1:23-26)
Paul’s words to the Philippians, expressing his longing to be removed from this earthly body so that he may experience Christ’s glory more fully, resonates in my heart as I think on heaven, and the home that Jesus has gone to prepare for me (John 14:2). By some estimation, it has been ten years since the Lord saw fit to save me for His glory. The times since then have contained overwhelming happiness and immense pain, but it is in the Lord, not circumstances, that I have found consistent and deep joy.
After moving to West Los Angeles in mid-2006, God was so gracious as to allow me to connect with faithful brothers and sisters at Grace Community Church, The Foundry, and The 310 ministry. Since then, manifold opportunities for personal connection and growth have aligned my heart more with His, as He does His sanctifying work in me.
Graduating from college, it was widely believed among my family and friends that I would be a top executive or successful business owner early in life. My aspirations for an incredibly successful career were strong, and I headed into the working world with optimism that my dreams would come true. As a consultant, I poured my life into my work, and for a while, I saw those dreams begin to materialize. Things seemed to be going exactly as I had hoped.
During my earlier career, God was working on my heart. I developed significant relationships with some men in the 310 and joined a core group. The lives of the saints around me looked different than what I had experienced before. A genuine love and care for one another poured out of their lives in significant and tangible ways. God used this to begin changing my heart, directing me to look more to His glory, and not my own.
I think about the things that have traditionally been important to me: succeeding at school and work, gaining recognition, being highly regarded and respected, etc. Though many of those desires were noble, and arguably even God glorifying, my motivation was wrong. It was often for my own glory that I sought these things, and when I succeeded, it was to my benefit.
The work God has done, and continues to do in my heart, has shifted my perspective. My aspirations are more simple and my motivation more pure. Now, I highly value a heart attitude of humility and confidence in the Lord’s providence at work. He has given me this work as He gave Adam land to cultivate, and I intend to execute it faithfully to His glory, trusting in His promises. Practically, though, there are other priorities on God’s heart that require significant time as well, and for that reason, I cannot devote my whole life to building a successful career. I must be faithful to work, but careful to also pursue other priorities that align with His heart as well, like loving and investing in the saints.
There was a time last year when I had a significant lull in my working hours. I would regularly be home by 5:30 PM. My nights often consisted of watching a movie and eating dinner in front of the television. Life was peaceful and easy. Few burdens weighed on my mind. Flipping forward to today, I rarely have a quiet night at home. I seek to use my time in beneficial ways that can bless others. The tangible manifestations of this vary dramatically. Perhaps it is dinner with a brother with whom I have not conversed in a while, or administrating something to the benefit of the saints. I regularly and actively participate in core group and the 310 as well. These changes happened because I recognized the reality that life on this earth is fleeting. Focusing my mind and energy on the things of heaven is the most beneficial thing possible, since it will last for eternity.
In core group, I am able to minister and be ministered to on a consistent basis. The time spent investing, and being invested in, is time spent storing up riches in heaven where moths and rust cannot destroy. My brothers in core group are men who I can rely on to speak the truth in love, with graciousness and reverence for our God. They encourage, admonish, and correct me, so that my life will increasingly reflect God’s glory. It is in core group that I have found consistent accountability, and those times help keep my perspective focused on the things above.
Though this life I lead is a work in progress, and it will be that way until my final breath, the sovereign Lord has seen fit to redeem my life, not just saving me from hell, but to heaven. A glorious reality that I strive to keep forefront in my mind, that I may be heavenly minded to the very end.
- Adam Halbardier
Thanks for sharing, Adam. That’s neat to see such a change even within a year. I like the totem pole picture!